Entry #1
Feeling Lost at the End of a Season
No one really tells you how quiet it gets when a season ends. You spend years pushing toward a finish line, and when you finally cross it, there is this strange, still silence that feels like life itself is taking a breath.
I graduate college in a month, December 12th to be exact. My cap and gown were delivered last week, and I only have one presentation and one class left. Three more weeks of school and it is over. It doesn’t feel real. I have been waiting for this moment for years, and now that it is here, I almost don’t know what to do with it.
The Quiet After the Hustle
Lately, I have been getting a taste of what life will look like after graduation, and honestly, I feel a little lost. I come home and just pace around the house because I don’t know what to do. Last week I had cleaned the entire house so many times that I ran out of things to clean, so I started googling hobbies.
It’s funny because I used to wish for this. I wanted this calm, this space, this freedom. No homework, no deadlines, no mental clutter. Just time. And now I have it, and I don’t know what to fill it with.
Relearning How to Live
I plan to write here much more often. I want this blog to be what it was always meant to be, my journal of living. I might try vlogging but we will see how that goes with just a phone. I started crocheting a blanket and doing crosswords, and I take daily walks after work before the sun sets. Those walks are peaceful and make me feel grounded again.
I also want to start making weekly floral arrangements and once we move, join the local DAR chapter or a small group at a nearby church. I think having community will help as I start this new season.
Closing the College Chapter
It feels strange to say that I am finishing my schooling. I have thought about pursuing a master’s or law school, but for now that door is closed. I love learning but not for grades or a degree. I want to learn out of curiosity, not obligation.
What’s even stranger is realizing how much of my identity has been tied to being a student. For years school has been the constant. Now it is ending and it feels like a chapter of who I am is closing too.
The College Experience That Wasn’t
I didn’t have the college experience that movies and social media portray. I didn’t move away or live in a dorm. I didn’t go to games, parties, or have roommates. I worked full time, went to community college, and took classes alongside veterans, parents, and people twice my age. My classmates shared stories about deployment and raising children while I was just trying to finish my degree after a long workday.
I missed the carefree memories but I gained something else. I built a career, I learned discipline, and I found stability. I didn’t get the college experience but I got experience in life. And while I do feel some FOMO, I also feel gratitude.
Who Am I Now
Sometimes I feel like I don’t know who I am outside of work and school. People always ask, “How’s work?” or “How’s school?” and I get it, it’s small talk. But it also makes me realize how often we define ourselves by what we do instead of who we are.
Most post-grads feel anxious about finding a job. I already have one. I’m not ready for kids yet and I want to enjoy marriage when that time comes. I haven’t even traveled. I have time to live, real, unhurried life.
My Post-Grad Vision
My post-grad plans are simple. I want to live, to say yes, to slow down, to create, to move, to breathe. I want to rediscover what I love and who I am without the constant pressure to perform. For so long I have operated in survival mode. I don’t even know what peace feels like.
Soon I will just work my eight hours and then have sixteen more to live however I want. The world feels wide open, full of hope and new beginnings.
My Post-Grad Bucket List
Read more memoirs and fantasy novels
Read the Bible instead of self-help books
Create a small group
Build a strong circle of friends
Try a new sport
Plant something
Pay off the last $12,000 in student loans
Travel to a new state
Travel to a new country
Run a 5K, then a 10K, then a half marathon
Get my health in check
Go a full year without pulling my hair
Go camping
Trusting God When a Season Ends
I think the hardest part about endings is learning to trust God with the space in between. When one season fades and another hasn’t yet begun, there’s this quiet middle ground that feels uncertain. It’s where fear tries to whisper that you’re behind or that you’re not ready. But it’s also where faith becomes real.
I know God has been beside me in every all-nighter, every prayer before a test, every long day of work followed by a night of homework. And I know He’s still here now, in this calm that feels both uncomfortable and freeing.
It’s easy to trust Him when life feels busy and full, but the real test comes in the stillness. The truth is that every ending in our lives is an opening for something new that He has already prepared. Maybe this quiet season isn’t a loss at all but an invitation to listen, to rest, and to let Him show me what’s next.
I don’t need to have a five-year plan. I don’t need to know what’s coming. I just need to believe that if God led me here, He will also lead me forward.
“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to Him, and He will make your paths straight.” — Proverbs 3:5-6 (NIV)
Learning to Let Go of Control
I have realized how often I tell myself, I can’t live until I do this, look this way, have this, or finish that. That mindset is so flawed. Life doesn’t wait for perfect timing. If God is leading you somewhere, you can trust that He will meet you there, ready or not.
I don’t know exactly who I am becoming but I am excited to find out. For the first time I am not rushing to the next thing. I just want to be present, to live deeply, and to get Moore out of life, not just survive it.
<3 d.m
